Department of Missing Interns
Still Missing: Sandy M.
Just Another Missing Persons Case in the District ?
Or Is Something More Sinister Going On in the Nation's Capital ?
Sandy M., an intern with the Center's ONPLDS (the Office-in-Bad-Need-of-a-New-Acronym) has not been seen in the District since early October 2001.
Sandy came to the United States from Northern Germany, and everybody who met the young kraut Fräulein immediately fell in love with her. "She was a popular lady", says Kim M. of the Division for advanCed REgulatory Research (DCRER), and, apparently, men and women alike fell for her: Says Kristina P. from the VERB-Gulag: "She was sooo cool", while Chris from the House Ford Office Building puts it this way: "She was so coool, when will she come back?"
There are rumors that Sandy had a very close relationship with a certain Dr. B.; they are supposed to have exchanged dozens of e-mails, addressing each other as 'Sweetie' and 'Honey', respectively. Dr. B., who for a long time declined to comment on the nature of the relationship, has recently declared: "I did not have sex with that woman, Sandy M."
There is also considerable speculation that Sandy M. has been abducted by a mad German scientist, who visited the Center last year. District police would like to question a certain Professor S. Timmat from the former People's Republic of Germany, although they say, of course, he is "not a suspect". Unfortunately, without support from State, there is little that can be done.
Says a source close to the investigation: '"They tell us they don't want to get involved, they have enough troubles with the German scientists who are already here, they don't want to irritate important allies, etc., etc. Frankly, I believe this is a big conspiracy to cover up some evil research that's being done at the Center... ."
Please help raiNeT.net find Sandy !
Write to your Congressman and to President George W. Bush !
Write to the German Chancellor Mr. Schröder (while he's still in office) !
Stop the Evil Research !